H.E.A.R.T.B.R.O.K.E.N

I really had a tough time for few years.
I lost my Mother,
I got dumped
I lost my Father
And my dark past 9 years ago
Always chasing me until now
My life turn to upside down

Two years people got rejected to enter my life
Two years I blocked my heart
Two years I walked alone
Two years I tried to recover myself

Today
I want to share my 14 days of happiness
And I use the lyrics from "When I Look At You"
From Miley Cyrus to express my feelings
For you to understand how broken I am

"Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights are long
Cause there is no guarantee
That this is easy"

As we all know that each person
Need an inspiration to motivate their life
One day, I found someone that exactly like me
The Character, Super-Annoying

From that day
We start to know each other
Just 50% and the rest still locked
He is so secretive person
That makes me want to know him more and more

He always asked me one question
Why did I choose him
And I replied two paragraph

"When my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I
I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more 
That's when I
I look at you"

You just like a thunder bolt
That light up my life in split seconds
You bring back my happiness
You cheer me up with your childish behaviour
You make me smile again
But
You still scared to share with me your biggest secret

I waiting for it

When our 1st date
Everything going so well
You and I
We lough together
I am so excited to tell you about my Indo Journey
And I know
You can feel the love at that moment
Because i feel the love too

Once again
You asked me that question again
You said that you such a bad guy
You tell me everything
Your past
You said that you're not belongs to me
Because I am a good girl in your eyes
You said that you don't like to judge people
But why judge me?
You don't know me
You don't know my past
You tell me that you just like a
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

And, why you choose Mr Hyde more than Dr Jekyll?

You can share with me

You can talk to me

"You appear just like a dream to me

Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me

All i need

Every breathe that I breath

Don't you know you're beautiful"

I know

You expect me to leave you

But I choose to stay

Still, You don't have the confidence 

If you don't have the confidence

You'll always find a way not to win

You dumped me

You broke my heart

I try to hold you

But I failed

You asked me to leave

You cried

I LEAVE

And I cried too

This is our accidentally photo together during 113 events 

L.I.M.A J.A.M

Lima Jam
Lima Jam
Lima Jam
Lima Jam
Lima Jam

Lima jam paling bahagia bercampur takut yang aku pernah alami
Bahagia kerana rasa diri sangat disayangi
Rasa macam dunia aku yang punya
Rasa macam aku tidak lagi keseorangan di Plante Pluto
Dan aku juga takut
Takut kehilangan

Kesudahannya
Aku memang kehilangan
Aku kembali sunyi
Aku kosong
Adakala rasa tidak adil
Kenapa selalunya begini
Apa aku tidak layak untuk memiliki kebahagiaan?

Kenapa?

"How recklessly we turn from strangers to lovers, and blindly back to nothing"

25 November 2017
BLACK 14 - MOURN

S.U.I.C.I.D.E

"People who die by suicide don't want to end their life, they want to end their pain"

Most of talented person will end with committed suicide. But in reality what they were trying to kill inside themselves was not their bodies. It was their souls.

Scholars say that a human being is made of three main components. The first components is the body. The second is mind. And the third component is the soul.

And every single person has this longing to feed and fulfill the desires of these three components. Whether they are good desires or whether they are bad desires.

"Suicide doesn't kill people, sadness kills them"

SUBHANALLAH

So you have the body, the mind, the soul. All of us Alhamdulillah fulfill the desires of the body and the two main desires of the body, are as follows.

Food and drink number one. And the second thing is a relationship between a man and a woman Inshaallah in the halal.

Now the mind,the most important thing you need to feed the mind with is food. What kind of food?

Knowledge.

"They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you"

This is the type of food of that comes for the mind and the soul. Is what these talented people were trying to kill inside of themselves.

 They are trying to kill their souls, because it was hungry.

They couldn't feed it. And feeding it is through the obedience of Allah (swt). It's through reciting the Quran. It's through memorizing the Quran. It's through contemplating on the meanings of the Quran. And in the remembrence of Allah (swt). And any act of obedience of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'la.

"Suicide isn't cowardly, I'll tell you what is cowardly; treating people so badly that they want to end their lives" -Ashley Purdy-

Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can't see any way of finding relief except through death.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" 

"You told me to be happy."

 But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to suicide, but they just can't see one.

Anyone who tries to kill their self must be crazy. Actually most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They must be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness. 

"If this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it anymore"

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can play a role in suicide prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing that you care, and getting a doctor or psychologist involved.

If you think that suicide's selfish then you've obviously never been suicidal. Open your eyes, keep alert of surrounding. they need you and you need them too.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" 

-Dark Room-

Arabellachester