H.O.P.E

Dr said
My left knee had too many injuries
I need a ligament repair

Dr said
I should stop my sport routine
For a moment
Until they do my surgery

And I ask
Am I still can running?

Dr said
Yes
But please dont push so hard

Don't push so hard
Don't
Push
So
Hard

Im LOST
Again. . . .

MMC
12 DEC 17

J.I.W.A

Setiap orang pasti ada impian
Impian yang bukan-bukan
Impian yang pelik-pelik
Dan impian yang kau akan dapat masa "AFTER LIFE"

Aku?
Impian aku satu
Tiada siapa dapat tunaikan
Even aku sendiri tidak dapat tunaikan
Melainkan aku ambil jalan pintas

Jalan pintas
Jalan yang paling keji sekali
BUNUH DIRI

Aku adalah yang paling aneh dalam keluarga aku
Tahap depresi aku lebih teruk nak dibandingkan
dengan yang lain
Tapi yang POWER-nya aku ni
Tahap menyembunyikan segala DUKA LARA aku sangat tinggi
Tiada siapa perasan apa yang aku alami 
Melainkan mereka-mereka yang power MEMBACA

2017 
Tahun paling teruk aku alami DEPRESI
Hidup aku terkontang-kanting
Aku cuba kejar balik NABILA yang hilang
Tapi NABILA tetap "LOST"
Even sekarang aku sedang menaip entry ni pun
air mata aku turut mengalir
Sebab SAKIT
Sakit di dada siapa yang tahu?
"Diri sendiri le lahanat!!"

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku nak END UP 
Hidup aku sekarang jugak
Tapi aku tak nak luka kan hati orang yang aku sayang
Siapa lagi kalau bukan keluarga aku
Even diorang tak tahu lansung apa yang aku alami
Sebab aku tak pernah kongsi

Kebiasaannya aku akan kongsi dengan orang luar
Orang luar aku sendiri rasa selesa dengan dia
Dan aku punya 2 3 sahabat yang aku tahu
MEREKA AMAT MEMAHAMI

Kenapa aku masih mengejar sesuatu yang sudah tiada
Kenapa aku masih mahukan Emak dan Ayah aku
Kerana aku masih perlukan mereka
Aku banyak luka kan hati mereka
Even sekarang pun aku masih biarkan Ayah menanggung dosa aku
Aku masih "LOST"

Orang cakap
Kalau kau sayang diorang
Kenapa kau tak tutup aurat?
Kenapa kau berdoa tiap pagi untuk kesejahteraan diorang

Weyh!!
Aku lost lah sial
Kau ingat aku nak ke jadi macam ni
Aku sendiri tak tahu kenapa aku masih begini
Aku bertarung dengan diri sendiri
Kau mana tahu!!

SIAL!!

Kenapa sentiasa aku yang harus faham korang
Korang tak pernah nak faham aku
Korang luka kan hati aku
. . . . Aku TERLUKA . . . .
Sampai aku tak terkata betapa sakitnya Jiwa aku

Sometimes i need someone to hug me
Lend me your shoulder
Wipe my tears
Hear my problems

I founded already
But only for a moment.
And he's gone
Gone baby gone

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku GILA
Adakah aku GILA??
Kau rasa aku GILA??

MUNGKIN

-PERGI MAMPOS-

H.E.A.R.T.B.R.O.K.E.N

I really had a tough time for few years.
I lost my Mother,
I got dumped
I lost my Father
And my dark past 9 years ago
Always chasing me until now
My life turn to upside down

Two years people got rejected to enter my life
Two years I blocked my heart
Two years I walked alone
Two years I tried to recover myself

Today
I want to share my 14 days of happiness
And I use the lyrics from "When I Look At You"
From Miley Cyrus to express my feelings
For you to understand how broken I am

"Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights are long
Cause there is no guarantee
That this is easy"

As we all know that each person
Need an inspiration to motivate their life
One day, I found someone that exactly like me
The Character, Super-Annoying

From that day
We start to know each other
Just 50% and the rest still locked
He is so secretive person
That makes me want to know him more and more

He always asked me one question
Why did I choose him
And I replied two paragraph

"When my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I
I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more 
That's when I
I look at you"

You just like a thunder bolt
That light up my life in split seconds
You bring back my happiness
You cheer me up with your childish behaviour
You make me smile again
But
You still scared to share with me your biggest secret

I waiting for it

When our 1st date
Everything going so well
You and I
We lough together
I am so excited to tell you about my Indo Journey
And I know
You can feel the love at that moment
Because i feel the love too

Once again
You asked me that question again
You said that you such a bad guy
You tell me everything
Your past
You said that you're not belongs to me
Because I am a good girl in your eyes
You said that you don't like to judge people
But why judge me?
You don't know me
You don't know my past
You tell me that you just like a
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

And, why you choose Mr Hyde more than Dr Jekyll?

You can share with me

You can talk to me

"You appear just like a dream to me

Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me

All i need

Every breathe that I breath

Don't you know you're beautiful"

I know

You expect me to leave you

But I choose to stay

Still, You don't have the confidence 

If you don't have the confidence

You'll always find a way not to win

You dumped me

You broke my heart

I try to hold you

But I failed

You asked me to leave

You cried

I LEAVE

And I cried too

This is our accidentally photo together during 113 events