M.A.I.L 4.T.H

Ini Nadia

Satu-satunya kakak yang aku ada

Dari kecil lagi kami memang tak rapat 

Bergaduh je tapi kadang-kadang ok.

Sejak Ayah meninggal

Adik pulak kami hantar ke KL

Dia ganti tempat Alysha

Tidur sebelah

Padahal bilik dia ada tu

Ya I don't know why

Tapi tak apa

Katil queen ni

Bila dia ada

Aku rasa semak

Bila tiada

Aku rasa kosong

Macam makan

Bila kau makan sorang-sorang dekat luar

Tak sama rasa dia dengan kau makan dekat rumah

Yang ada 5 kerusi kosong

Sunyi sebenarnya

Sejak Emak dan Ayah tiada

Aku rasa sunyi

Mungkin Alang dan Kakcik rasa Benda yang sama

Ya sebab kami bertiga je yang belum kahwin

Bangun tidur

Kerja

Lepak

Balik

Tidur

REPEAT

Everyday

Ok balik cerita kakak aku

Since dia kena transfer Batu Pahat

Coffee Bean ada bukak outlet baru

Dia kena jaga sana for 3 or 4 weeks

Dia terpaksa akur keputusan pihak atasan

Stay sana sorang

Aku sini berdua

Tapi rasa maca duduk sorang

Bila dia off day

Dia balik Melaka

Hari ni 17 February 2017

Hari ni birthday Ateh

I miss Ateh so much
To Ateh
Kenapa kena kerja jauh-jauh
Kenapa kena kerja offshore 
Siapa nak jaga Adik dengan Kakcik?
Alang kerja Muar
Jauh
Semua jauh
Tahun baru tanpa Ayah 
Kami terkontang kanting
Like Patah Sayap tahu?

Well 17 Feb 17
Kakcik rushing nak balik BP
Aku tahu dia shift petang
Dan tiba-tiba aku dapat berita
Kakcik accident
Dia hanya cakap dekat group family
Angah dekat KL terus call kawan dia
Alang? yaa I don't know
Aku? Aku terus masuk kerja
Sebab dah lambat

Everything is okay
Kakcik ok
Yeke?
Ye Kera
Kah Kah Kah
Ohh sorry sorry
Ok serious balik

Masa aku tengah kerja tadi
I'll keep wondering
Kakcik ok ke?
Dia sorang-sorang kat sana lah
Dia menangis ke?
Apa perasaan dia bila sorang-sorang?
Apa yang dia sedang fikirkan

Dan aku terus hilang mood
Sedih
Aku jarang berbual dengan dia
Untuk tahu keadaan dia
Aku kena call kakak ipar aku
Aku tak berani nak tanya dia
Takut
Atau mungkin kalau aku tanya pada dia sendiri
Dia akan rasa tenang
Tapi aku takut
Ego maybe

Aku harap dia ok
Dia kuat kot
Kata anak Komando
Chill lah
Ahh aku pun sama
Chill lah Bella

Bleh Bleh Bleh

P.L.U.T.O

Kenapa Pluto?

Yaa aku ni ibarat Pluto

Pluto yang dulu diisytiharkan sebagai 

The farthest planet 

Dan akhirnya status dia sebagai planet 

Ditarik balik oleh pihak NASA

Kau faham tak?

Ok

Sekarang Pluto ni tiada status

Orang tertanya-tanya

Pluto ni planet ke bintang?

Macam aku

Orang luar tengok aku be like

"Bella ni ok ke tak okay?"

Aku okay

Pluto tu kedudukan dia yang paling jauh

Kau nak pergi dekat Pluto tu

Kena hadap banyak simpang

Liku-liku kehidupan betul

Macam aku

Kau nak selami hati aku pun susah kan

Nak faham diri aku pun susah

Sebab aku sendiri tak faham diri aku sendiri

Macam mana?

Aku ni bukan la complicated sangat

Aku ni cuma tak suka disukai

Bukan rela dibenci

Tidak

Cuma mati hati

Kalau tak faham perumpamaan Pluto ni

Tak payah faham lah

Sebab hujah ni datang masa aku tengah barai tepi sungai

Aku pissed off dengan semua orang

Sebab semua orang rosakkan apa yang aku dah aturkan.

Menyusahkan kepala aku

Tak faham

P/s: Hey Pluto is a planet again!!

I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T

This Is Why She Acts Like She Doesn’t Care, Even Though You’re Secretly Killing Her

She acts like she doesn’t mind it when you take hours to answer her texts or when you cancel plans after she already shaved her skin smooth.

She pretends that she has it all together emotionally, that she has other things to worry about, that you’re incapable of pulling her heartstrings until they unravel.

It’s because she doesn’t want to appear weak. Dependent. Clingy. Desperate.

But the act isn’t for you. Sure, she wants to impress you. She wants you to think highly of her. She wants you to view her as a powerful woman that’s worthy of your time and your love.

But mostly, that act is for her own benefit. She doesn’t want to believe that she needs you. She doesn’t want to admit that some boy has the power to make her crumple into a heap on her bed.

She wants to think that she’s stronger than that. That she’s stronger than the pull of love.

She acts like it doesn’t matter whether or not she ends up with you, because she’s trying to fool herself into believing it’s the truth. That she could exist without you. That you’re just another boy. Not the boy. Not the one. Just another one.

It’s easier to pretend that you mean nothing to her than to admit that you mean everything.

So she puts on a mask and she pretends that she doesn’t care about you, because really, what else is she supposed to do? Is she supposed to call you up, struggling through the tears, because you posted a picture with another girl and she’s worried you’re going to choose her instead?

Is she supposed to blurt out that she thinks she’s falling in love with you, even though you aren’t officially together yet? Is she supposed to allow you to hijack her entire world?

No. That’s not the type of girl she is. She would never let her self-esteem rest on on another. She would never let someone else determine how confident she is, how well her life is going, whether she’s happy with herself.

Because she is happy with herself — whether you like her or not. Whether you text her back or not. Whether you realize her worth or not. So why should she waste her time imagining the other girls you could be kissing? The smiles you could be aiming toward someone else?

There’s no sense in it. None.

So if she feels like you don’t care, because of the abundance of mixed signals and unanswered texts, then she’s going to act like she doesn’t care, either. Because she’s sick of one-sided love. She’s tired of putting in effort that isn’t going to be reciprocated. She’s done doing more than her fair share.

So, if you want her, make it clear that you actually give a damn. Because that’s the only way that she’s going to drop her emotional shield. It’s the only way she’ll ever let the truth out.

And the truth is that she cares. She cares so fucking much it hurts.

-anonymous